I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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