I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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