last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
