Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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