Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
