Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
