And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
