he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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