Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
