You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
