she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
