Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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