just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
