i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Alive.
So much puke
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
