i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
