Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
