I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
