I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
