i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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