got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
