boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
