even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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