I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
