Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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