I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
