Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize