listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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