I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
