Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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