My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
