The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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