yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
