I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
