I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
