I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize