they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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