I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
