We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
