apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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