My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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