im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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