so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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