She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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