I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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