you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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