your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i need some magic done to my vagina
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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