dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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