So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
