Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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