Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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