I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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