I wish they made helmets for livers.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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