watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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