I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
