Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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