You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
