Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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