so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
