Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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