did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
