He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
