God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
