I love black thongs
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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