Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize