i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
