Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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