Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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