I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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